shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
