i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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