my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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