We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My feet surprised me
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