ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
