you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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