Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
