she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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