YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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