if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
