I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
