Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I CAN MOONWALK!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
