I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
