I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i came on her dog
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
