i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
