i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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