Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
