Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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