Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
