Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize