You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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