As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
