i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
