New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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