fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
