I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
