it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
