I got chris browned last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
