we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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