MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
