Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
40s are totally the cure
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
