I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
