How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
