How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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