...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
