I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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