Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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