I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
