She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
