there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
