Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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