i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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