ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
