I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
