I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
