Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
