had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
