If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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