I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
