I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
