the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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