this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
