Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
