Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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