Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
