quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
