So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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