Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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