Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
