What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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