FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
