JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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