I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
