Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
