no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
