yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
