i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
