I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just made my gag reflex go away.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
