So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
